areyoulistening

I never smoked weed on a regular basis, but I did dabble in the fine art of “hashish” or “gunja” while growing up. The first time I smoked, was at one of Matt’s Woooooorld Famous Deck parties. It was the summer after our senior year in high school and the party looked like a deleted scene from “Dazed and Confused.” Tom, Billy and I showed up about an hour before anyone else was going to be there with three 30 packs of Coors Light (which we paid $30 each for because the guy at Madaba’s knew he had us by the balls.)  We began drinking right away and from what I can gather were pretty lubricated by the time everyone else showed up.

Some of the people that did show up to the party were very into weed. They broke out a pipe and lit it. I decided that I would try to get high. I hadn’t thought about the fact that I was drinking beer all night and really had no idea how I was going to react. It didn’t go very well from the get go. It seems I broke some type of rule by blowing into the bowl and was yelled out for blowing the weed out of the pipe and onto the deck. I was screamed at and someone broke out a notebook that had all these rules for smoking weed. You read that right, they had a notebook with rules on how to smoke weed. Now the kid who had the notebook looked exactly like the kind of kid that would carry around such a thing. However, it was all very strange for me.

As the night wore on, I figured out how to work the bowl and ended being all types twisted. Billy knew what he was doing, so he ended up getting quite shit smashed. At some point, someone drove to McDonald’s and brought back enough food to make everyone sick. For whatever reason, Billy sat on a seat that was in the middle of the yard, fell asleep and left himself open for McDonald’s BBQ sauce bombs. Once I realized they were throwing shit at him, I began picking up the containers of BBQ sauce and started throwing them back at the people on the deck. To this day, there is still a McDonald’s BBQ sauce stain on the back of Matt’s parents house (Take that Mr Mayor!)

At the end of the night, Billy, Tom and I walked back to my house and fell asleep in my room. The next morning my father woke us up and asked us if we wanted eggs. I wanted to fucking kill him or at least injury his face or neck. Billy and Tom said, “Sure.” I took a shower while they defied all logic by consuming actual food and threw up all over the shower. It was “stale yellow beer that tasted like weed” puke. I had learned that mixing weed with mad beers was not going to work for me.

I waited awhile until I took the 420 express train for a second time and I think it was one of the camping trips that I again boarded that son of a bitch. We brought a bunch of “chillums” up with us and sat around the fire smoking it. It felt a lot like something that would go down in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. The Captian coined his famous phrase, “The fire doesn’t care what it burns” that night and laughed at his own joke for what felt like 25 minutes.  Everything was very blurry that night and sometimes I wonder if we had been sold “super grass.”

Later that same summer (2000), I would go down to the river with Billy and we would “boot the gong.” One night he was singing this song in a very high pitched voice and we spent most of the evening singing it while trying to figure out what song it was. We never figured it and odds are it was never a song to begin with. One of the things I didn’t like about smoking, was that I always felt like I ended up acting like the kid in an anti-smoking commerical. Laughing all stupid and wanting to eat mad stupid shit all the time. Case in point, one night after coming back from the river, Billy and I drove to 7-11 and went on a feeding frenzy. I still know what I got: first I microwaved Chef Boyardee Meat Raviolis, followed it up with a Big Gulp of Vanilla coke, king size Snickers bar and a donut the size of my face. I was very unhappy with what I had done to myself the next day.

When Baker, Tom and I went to visit Billy in LA for Spring Break 2001, I was exposed to a lot of weed related things. There were bongs on the floor everywhere and some dudes woke up and hit them first thing in the morning…it was intense. There was a good amount of smoking and playing video games where monsters fought aliens, at least I think it was only a video game. One evening they called someone to bring the “bobo bush” to their place. The guy shows up and sticks around to ”blast a J” with us.  After awhile, he asks if he can have a ride back to his baby’s mamma’s house. Ben said he’d give him a ride and I was pretty we’d never see him again, but he did end up coming back a little while later.

The last time I “blew my roof off” was with Tony “Yao” at Untermyer Park two summers ago. Yeah, I know it’s kind of loserish but I was trying to find myself. We walked down that huge flight of stairs which ends by the foundation of that house. The entire time we were standing there in the dark, I was convinced that was where Son of Sam used to meet Satan and got myself very scared. After we “tightened our wigs,” we made our way back up the long flight of stairs. Half way up the stairs, I saw a Honda Accord in the woods. I did not think I saw a Honda Accord, I fucking saw a Honda Accord. However, I had a considerable amount of trouble convincing Tony of that fact.

When we made it to the top of the steps where we could see out into the street and noticed that there were a few cop cars driving by very slow like. We scurried to hide behind a tree and up against the wall. Tony threw the rest of the “bo-bo”away and the freak out commenced. We whisper yelled at each other while the cops shined search lights into the park. Tony started talking this crazy talk about just walking out there like nothing was up and dealing with it. How are we going to act like we didn’t just “blast a roach,” in the pitch black of the devil’s favorite place on Earth? I said something like:

“Give it a minute. Let them drive by and we will fucking run once they are out of sight and that will be the end of it. I am fucking 25, Anthony! We are too old for this shit!”

Thank God they did end up driving by and we got the flock out of there without having to deal with them. We made our way back to his car and I think we both kind of died a little on the inside that night. Since that incident, I have not touched any of the “butter flower.”

On a totally unrelated topic, the Metro North goes by the New York School of Podiatry everyday and today all the doctors and nurses were out on the street in front of the building. I wondered if there was some type of emergency or what exactly could be wrong over there. After the train started to pull away it became vey clear that something was definitely afoot.

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