Jul 09 2008
As the Summer Loses Power
When you’re a kid, summertime is the tits. You wake up whenever you want, you lie in a bed for awhile before getting up, you eat cold Chinese food for breakfast and drink Kool Aid all day and night. You sit on the same steps with your friends making spit pools, cursing and at some point you all walk to the pizza place. On the way to the pizza place, you debate about going to the river that night or going to see some movie you don’t really care about.
One year on the night before the neighborhood house was set to open it’s pool to the assholes in Riverdale, we threw bags of garbage into the pool from the PS 81 schoolyard. These weren’t little bags of soda cans and newspaper; these were huge black bags that the school had thrown out. I’m sure they were filled with leftover food from the cafeteria, used diapers from the nerdy kids that can’t go to the bathroom like normal people and other gross things.
It was weird to see a clean pool that glistened under the lights suddenly become filled with black garbage bags that were starting to open and fill the pool with refuse. I mean it felt great because so many of the kids that went to the pool everyday were some of the worst people on Earth. Sure, there were people that used the pool that we had no problems with but sacrifices had to be made to prove our point. You may be asking yourself, “What was the point of throwing garbage bags into a neighborhood pool the night before it opened?” No, no, no…I’ll be asking the questions here, pal. So just cool your jets, hotshot!
As we got older, our interests turned from attempting to fucking tear the neighborhood apart one day at a time to getting drunk and attempting to tear the neighborhood apart one night at a time. We would get as much Coors Light or Special Brew (Which was da flava unit, yo) as the money we pooled together could buy and drink it by the river, behind the Y, in the private property or on the roof of the buildings. Sometimes we’d take it slow, talk about the good times (Good times, good friends, good brew) and other times Denis would bring his funnel out and we’d drink 89 beers in 25 minutes. From there we were basically shot out of an alcohol cannon into the neighborhood. One night we ran up and down Mosholou Ave kicking side mirrors off of cars. Another time we attempted to throw a huge boulder throw a store front and one of the worst was the night we throw rocks at the huge windows on the library. Something seems so wrong now about trying to cause damage to that library.
Boys will be boys and boys full of 11 light beers each will be gigantic pricks.
One summer afternoon in 1998 (I think), Den, Dave and I sat on the wall by PS 81 with nothing to do. Den’s parents were away so he suggested we go to his house and try each of the bottles of liquor his parents had in the liquor cabinet. These people are fucking Irish too, bro. Not Irish like, “Oh, we make soda bread on St Patty’s day and burn easily.” Irish like when his mother would yell at us I didn’t understand the insults. My point being, the liquor cabinet was stacked (ooooooooot oooooooooh!!!!). Nah, I’m kidding Den but there was mad bottles. Okay, so we get to his house and start doing shots. Shots of warm vodka, creme de menthe, Bailey’s, gin, rum, sour mix, tonic water and I think we may have found a bottle of battery acid to drink. It was an absolute disaster. I ended up having to run to the bathroom to vomit and we walked out of his house like the living dead, squinting in hot summer sun.
“What now?” I asked the other two idiots.
One of them responded with suggesting we lie in the grass somewhere and that is exactly what we did. The three of us laid in the grass by the Food Emporium, sweating the booze out and weirding out anyone that had to walk by us.
Now as an adult, summer is still a cool time but it clearly is not the same. You still have work everyday, you sweat waiting on subway platforms, you sweat walking outside and you get pissed that you can’t go to the beach or something on a Tuesday afternoon anymore. It is nice to go to a bar that has an outside scene or something, you know? Have a few causuals, shoot the shit. But no matter how hard you try, you can’t get back that feeling of knowing there was so much summer in front of you and you didn’t have a damn thing to do.






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