areyoulistening

That guy I wrote about at work a few weeks back struck again. He missed dropping off my copy of the Onion back when it was Gay Pride week. It seems the Onion dedicated the entire issue issue to the homosexual lifestyle (Isn’t that what National Review is for? WHOOOOOOA!).  He stopped at my desk, smiled and said:

“Did you notice I didn’t drop off the Onion last week?”

“Uh, yeah. It’s no big deal.”

“Well, there was a reason for it.”

“Oh yeah, what is that?”

“It seems they dedicated the entire issue to the homosexual lifestyle. Noboday wants to read about that. Now do they?’

I laughed and said, “Well, I don’t know. I guess it is a little specialized.”

He stood there silent again…for way too long and you know what! I just came up with a something…I think. When he pulls that stand there in silence with the look of a baby that is shitting in his shorts, I am going to stare right back at him. Maybe I’ll give him a bored stare or I could go with the eyebrows pushed down angry stare; either way I have to do something.

He also speaks outloud to himself when he is looking through the paper for something or looking in a file cabinet like he is the only person on Earth that has fucking work to do. Thumbing through the paper with his fat little fingers saying :”Let’s see where this ad ran last week. Is it in the Queens section or Manhattan or…” It goes on from there until he finds what he is looking for and than he goes: ‘Ah ha, there you are–all the way on page 57. Let’s see, the colors look nice, okay. I will need to hold onto this for my files.”

I wrote that top part of this blog a few weeks ago and never posted this blog. This morning the guy pulled another creepy little thing on me. I was using the computer that is reserved for the promotions department because my computer was being an asshole and he sneaks up behind me and stands there…just breathing. I said:

“Do you need the computer here or what is the story?”

He opened his eyes wide and said:

“Yes, I do.”

“Well, I only be a few minutes more so how about I come get you when I’m done, okay?”

He continued breathing very loud and after a few seconds of soul crushing silence, he nodded and walked away.

I also saw him dip a banana in his cup of coffee at 11:30 am this morning. I don’t need to see shit like that.

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