areyoulistening

I was in New Orleans this weekend and it was hot as a bastard down there. I’ve been to Florida in August and I don’t think anything was as hot as this weekend was. It is mad humid and the poor sons of bitches working at our hotel were all dressed up like ship captains or something. Jackets, long pants and hats with giant spikes coming out the top like motorcycle dudes.

Besides the weather, everyone that had been there before warned me about the smell and they were all dead on. I was told it smelled like “vomit” by one person and “Vagina and alcohol” by another. I would say it smells like a drunk person vomitted on a vagina until blood come out. I’m just saying, that is what it smelled like.

 Most of the bars that have those frozen drinks that make you act crazy also give you a free shot anytime you order one. They have names like “1-800-FUCK-MEUP”, “Drunken Smurf” and “Blow Job.” In fact, at one point we were at a bar and I heard Pete Shikar order a blow job from the girl working at the bar and I thought we were going to have a situation on our hands. It turns out she hears that all the time. The shots come in test tubes and taste like ear medicine.

New Orleans is (or at least Bourbon Street) is like Seaside Heights on steriods. There are a ton more bars and it just has that “This is fun but I’m also worried about getting stabbed” kind of vibe to it. Which is good every once in awhile, ya know?

On a moral scale, it falls somewhere between what I imagine Ancient Rome was like when the senators got their load on and raided the boys club and a cell block in Hell. We didn’t see anything too outlandish but you could just sense that bad things were happening or were going to go down at some point. It seemed like there were underage girls in a good amount of the bars, there was the ”World Famous Live Sex Acts Show” place (where, from the looks of the low quality pictures hanging on the front doors, was a place were unattractive people simulate unattractive sex) and a “men dressed as women” stripclub (they advertised that they were better than real women). They also have bars down there with 2-for-1 and 3-for-1 drink specials. Thinking about it now is actually giving me a bit of a headache.

The city itself looks really cool and I’d love to go back to actually see some of it. There were a few places we saw that were still boarded up from Katrina and a couple of stores sold tee shirts that said “Fuck You Katrina” (which would been funny to wear around Riverdale in 1997, am I right?)

Trackback URI | Comments RSS