areyoulistening

I walked by the Garden last night as I was leaving work and saw that there was a large group of people lined up by where the players enter the Garden. Usually that is where hockey dorks stand 5 hours before a Ranger game and I guess where Kinick fans did the same back when the Knicks played actual basketball games in 1994.

 However, the group that gathered on 33rd Street yesterday had a different “flavor” to them…if you will. It looked like there may have been two look alike contests taking place: Rosie O’Donnell and Whoopi Goldberg. Let me tell you this, it was going be a close fucking call on both fronts. You see the Liberty were playing that night.’ Who are the Liberty?’ you may be asking yourself, apparently they are a team that plays in something called the WNBA. Which, from what I can gather, fancy themselves to be an even more unwatchable form of professional basketball association than even the NBA. The W stands for women…so I’m assuming they have a very large lesbian fan base. That is the joke here.

I had a meeting this morning at 10 am and going to a meeting when you’re leaving a company in like 30 hours or so is kind of like going to a travel agent and planning a trip a week after you are going to be dead and buried. People preface everything they say to you with “Well, you’ll be leaving us” or “Not that you’ll be here but…” And let me tell you, I was never very good at this meeting shit anyway. People sitting around a table taking fake notes, drinking bad coffee while some jackass is pointing to a pie chart about how we can get people to read newspapers again. I was always asked stuff like, “What do people your age do for news?” or “How often do you text message with people?” Most of the time I’m in the middle of a few text messaging storms during the actual meeting, you know? So pretty often, Carol. Pretty often. Oh, and I have no idea how to save newspapers. I did draw a star here in this worksheet you handed out so…I hope that. Nevermind.

Tomorrow is my last day here and it got me thinking about the last day of high school. I was happy to be moving on but there was part of me that was going to miss all that I was leaving behind, all that was going to be lost. Anytime you leave somewhere or you know a certain part of your life is over, you are better off looking at the situation as a whole. There will be good and there will be bad and if you pretend that it’s all good, you’ll end up crying in the shower or feeling like you want to kick a puppy.

It goes both ways, like when you have someone die that you love. People are always saying shit like, “Hey, think of all the good times and take something good from that!” or “They’re in a better place.” People say these things because they don’t like seeing you upset and want you to be able to look at the situation as a whole. No one wants to say to you on the day you graduate from college or something and you are happier than a pig in shit, “Hey man, just don’t forget you are leaving behind a lot here at school. Don’t just think about all this great stuff you have on the horizon; think of what you lost.” But the truth is, you have to think both sides. Being able to see and feel what you lost will make the next thing you have coming up that much better.

Alright, I’ll stop all that for this next little segment. So there was this protest in Manhattan yesterday because the word “retard” is used 17 times in the new movie “Tropic Thunder.” That is the movie with Ben Stiller , Jack Black and Robert Downey, Jr (who is a white guy playing a white playing a black guy…but is not retarded.) They (short)bused in a whole load of these wacky sons of bitches from group homes all over the state. They had them standing outside this theater chanting “No more R word!, No more R word!” I cringed and died a little on the inside thinking about what we would have yelled out of the ol’ Suzuki Sidekick if we drove by. Who am I kidding? We would have been driving back and fourth all Goddamn night. Denis would have brought his slingshot, the video camera would have been there…thank God this movie did not come out in 1998…

…it would have been retarded.

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