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Nov 24 2008

I Don’t Feel Better When I’m Fucking Around

Published by seano47 at 10:19 pm under Uncategorized Edit This

nyquil.jpg

Look familiar? That right there is last thing you will recall before you slip into a life questioning coma. It is from a Nyquil ad in this month’s Rolling Stone. I have spoken about the intense mystical powers that Nyquil has in the past but this ad really caught my eye. First of all, below this picture (I’ll get to the terrifying images that appear to be on the bottom of that little cap in a minute) in the ad appear the lines: “Sweet dreams. Sweeter tomorrow. Even with a cold.” I call bullshit on that right now. There have been many a night I attempted to chase the neon green dragon in hopes of getting some sleep while I couldn’t breath or had a fever; whatever cold symptom that was bringing me down and had no relief. Some nights I would wake up a bunch of times all night long in between mind bending altercations with giant candy corns or human being sized staplers. Other times it was the whispers of the dead that refuse to let me rest.

Take a second and look at the actual picture again. What the fuck are those two little faces supposed to be? I’ll tell you what they are: those are the two bastards that will be chasing you down in your sleep attempting to devour your soul. Go ahead. Take a stab at it and explain to me what that is supposed to be.  The best explanation will be entered into a drawing to win a case of Moxie cola…the cola with moxie.

Below the tagline is this little selling point: “That way you can enjoy a good night’s sleep, and wake up tomorrow ready for your vacation, staycation or whatever the day brings.” You better hope your broke ass is on “staycation” because your motorskills are going to be shot. As far as using Nyquil to get to sleep before you go on vacation, I have attempted this many times. Be careful; you could take some Nyquil the night before and by the time you wake up the next day, you’re on a boat in the middle of the Pirates of Caribbean or “Letting it Ride” with 2,6,Queen.

 If I were to open a greek diner in Queens, I would name it Apopalypse Now.  

I think the devil may be deaf because I have attempted to sell my soul a few times and he just refuses to show up.

I don’t mind being nice to the elderly but I do mind when they expect the world to be handed to them on a platter. Will I give you my seat on the bus? Yes, but don’t make old people faces at me beacuse I didn’t get up quick enough because I’m reading something because I have a job and can still contribute to society.

The other day I went into the bathrooms at Grand Central to pee before I got on the train. I went to go into the handicap stall because as everyone knows people love to go to the bathroom there so it was a mob scene in there.  I pushed open the door and there was a man sitting on the toilet doing the doo. He looked at me and I at him; he made a weird face and said, “I’m in here!”

I said “Lock the door.”

To which he replied, “I’m handicapped!”

I shot back, “So you can’t lock doors?”

He didn’t respond because he got burnt.

Moral of this blog: I’m onto you Nyquil, watch out greek diner owners with hilarious names, listen up “the devil” and the elderly and handicapped have to step it up.

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    sounds to me like you were just chasing the wrong mean green dragon… mine works fine

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    And props for the strokes lyric too

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    Thanks brah

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    I see two duck (foot) prints. The duck is obviously invisible though.

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