areyoulistening

Dec 10th 2008 is going to be “A Day Without A Gay.” ( http://daywithoutagay.org/) What does this mean for America? I’ll tell you what it means:

-Cafes with Brunch specials will go under.

-Chapstick sales will plummit.

-Liza Minelli records will sit untouched by soft, silky hands on record store shelves.

-The sound of kd Lang and Elton John arguing about who looks more like a bloated fairy will cease.

-Sales of diet cherry 7-Up will come to a screaching hault.

-Magnolia employees will have plenty of time to do those sudoku puzzles that they seem to love so much.

-Sales of Boston Red Sox merchandise will drop 300%.

-Clay Aiken will get locked in a dildo factory “by accident.”

-A quiet wind will blow over softball fields everywhere.

-NPR will be nothing but classical music after Leonard Lopate and the car guys leave the studio.

-Metalica and Alicia Keys will not play a chord or sing a note.

-Eminem will…well I guess he’ll still be pretty quiet. We haven’t heard anything from him in awhile. Aren’t you excited to hear more rap songs about his mother, daughter and ex-wife? Did you know he was the first person to: a) have a troubled childhood, b) a rocky relationship with a girl and c) have a child that had a major impact on his life?

-Jose Reyes will continue pretending to be straight so he’ll try to play it cool but he’ll really be taking part in the strike.

-Ellen will stay home all day with Portia DeRossi…which I would do to.  http://images.askmen.com/galleries/actress/portia-de-rossi/pictures/portia-de-rossi-picture-1.jpg

-Barbara Streisand’s heart will stop beating for 24 hours. She will not be dead; in fact she’ll come back 100 times stronger!

-You’ll be able to us the restroom in South Beach without having your ass feel like a pin cushion.

-I will not write a blog.

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