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Mar 10 2009

The Thing About Brooklyn…

Published by seano47 at 7:59 pm under Living Edit This

I always hated Brooklyn. From what I could gather, it was where annoying people went to live out some annoying life that involved coffee shops, stupid ass beer and people with facial hair having sex with girls that were way out of their leagues. And you know what? That is a big part of it. It attracts the kind of person that would attempt to order 3 chicken wings and a glass of water at a bar having a 25 cent wing night (This really happened).  The bar has since made it a rule that you have to order at least 6 wings. I would have made it 10 but the people that own the place are being nice about it. You shouldn’t have to make such a rule but it is the kind of thing that has to be done when your patrons are borderline braindead.

I like living here; Greenpoint is great for making everyone that lives here feel like they live in a real neighborhood. I also like that I have to share the neighborhood with the kind of people that would do something like order 3 chicken wings at a wing special. Why would you feel that, Seano? I’ll tell you why; I seem to take pleasure out of being annoyed or feeling bad about stuff that is happening around me. Some of the most fun I’ve ever had is being away in Vegas or the shore and waking up the next day feeling hungover like a bitch and complaining about it with my friends. Its kind of funny. So when some dumb shit that looks like Al Pacino in Serpico walks into a bar and asks if the happy hour special is still going on at 11 pm on Saturday night in a bar that has a Big Buck Hunter video game and is blasting some awful fucking Elvis Costello song–I can’t help but laugh.

The type of person that would order 3 wings at a wing special night is the kind of person that brings a six pack of PBR to a party and drinks 11 of someone elses Corona, the kind of person that feels like the world is their ashtray, the type of asshole that rolls their own ciggarettes…you see, they are only rolling their own ciggarettes in hopes of finding a girl dumb enough to sleep with them for doing so and, as sick as it makes me, they will find said girl.

I guess this is the type of thing that happens in certain parts of Brooklyn with Greenpoint and Williamsburg being the main trouble spots. So I don’t want to lump all the other neighborhoods into this whole idea; I just want the asshole rolling a ciggarette in the corner, with a Fanta tee shirt and Expo hat on to go fuck themselves…thats all.

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142 Responses to “The Thing About Brooklyn…”

  1. # Nicoleon 15 Mar 2009 at 9:19 pm edit this

    Cheapskate behavior can happen anywhere. I am ashamed to say, I had a boyfriend (he was from Oklahoma) who was soooo cheap that he would actually ONLY order water-and nothing else- at a bar. His other money saving strategy was to WALK to the movies and not only save on bus fare but save on the cost of the movie because we could never make it there in time. After we broke up, he bought a car with cash.

    These days, when my husband and I go to Wing N’ Cheese Stix Nite at our local brew pub, we order enough to ensure one of us will need a heart bypass before too long. Shockingly, the price of wings n’ stix has risen from a quarter to an astronomical 35 cents– a 40% price hike in the worst recession ever!!! Woe to all 3-wing-orderers!!!

    Our guilty pub secret is that we’re pizza scavengers. Sometimes trust-fund sorts (you know they’re trust fund brats ’cause they’re usually talking about the month long surfing trip in Bali that they’ve just returned from) leave entire untouched pies. So we swoop in and do our part to keep delicious pizza from clogging our nation’s landfills. Don’t get me wrong, it’s NOT that we can’t afford our own pie, it’s the thrill of being socially deviant that does it for us.

  2. # the pizza monsteron 16 Mar 2009 at 3:22 pm edit this

    You guys are officially pizzamonsters. Good job Nicole and said husband. ARGHHHHH!

    -signed, the pizza monster

  3. # Nicoleon 17 Mar 2009 at 11:11 am edit this

    Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the other major cheapskate I dated, a guy from Queens, actually. You gotta understand, he wasn’t the brightest or the most hygienic guy in the world (nickname: Pigpen). He’d regift me dead plants. He’d slowly argue, in his dimwitted way, about sandwich prices with deli clerks until they would crack and comp him something just to get rid of him. You’d think maybe the guy was broke, but no he owned his own place, had a job, etc. Finally, one night, he drove me over the edge. At the cash machine (we always went dutch) I asked him if he need to use the machine for money for the movie. I asked him THREE times–you really had to with him. He said no. We get to the movie. “Uh, I don’t have any money.” I found myself kicking him, literally and repeatedly, in the ass. He’d actually driven me to violence! The guy taking our tickets asked me if I’d like to finish beating my date up in the parking lot. That’s when I knew we had to break up.

  4. # pjbon 23 Mar 2009 at 11:02 am edit this

    “I’ll tell you why; I seem to take pleasure out of being annoyed or feeling bad about stuff that is happening around me.”

    i think i knew this about you before you did.

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